5 Ways to Make Working from a Home Blessing

by Brad on May 24, 2012

The following post is from Brad, a web designer and father of quadruplets:

work at home tips

source: 4tunate Design

Jen and I have been working together from home for almost 3 years now. We are still learning a great deal about how to make that work better. But, in that short time, we have already learned some key things that have made for much smoother sailing. I thought I’d share some of those tips.

5 Ways to Make Working from Home a Blessing

1. Don’t try to do anything alone; plan your week together.
This was a huge lesson that took a while for us to learn. I thought 4tunate Design was my responsibility.  We were often misunderstanding each other and our expectations for work time and home time seldom matched up. I finally told Jen that my business was going to fail unless it became OUR business. We began meeting at the beginning of each week to block our time out. This allowed us to better plan to get things done, and it forced us to consider both of our busy schedules and better prioritize.

2. Work time is NOT personal time.
Another struggle we encountered is that our work is always right there in front of us. We don’t leave an office and go home. We work right here, and this makes it difficult to get away from. We have both discovered that we need some personal time to relax, exercise, and spend time with the Lord. We try our best to allow for this personal time each week. It actually takes discipline to avoid using this time to work, and instead get refreshed on important things.

3. Get out!
We have to find time to get out of the house both as a family and as a couple. Since we don’t commute to work anymore, it can be tempting to never leave the house. We try to take the boys to parks, nature preserves, and other adventures to make sure we get out of routine. We also get out as often as possible on dates as a couple.

4. Separate yourself.
It is also difficult to separate yourself from home life to focus on your work. Personally, when I hear a child outside my office door who is in need of discipline, it is hard for me to just leave it to Jen.  However, I have learned that she needs me to trust her with the kids, and I need to get my work done so that she can have a real break, and also time to spend on her consulting/blogging work. It can actually be insulting to Jen for me to stop and help as it shows a lack of confidence in her ability to handle things.  Shut the door, act like you are at work. It’s worth  it.

5. Count your blessings.
If you find yourself working at home with your spouse and children, it might be easy to focus on the challenges. I try to focus my attention on the rare blessing it is to work from home with young children. Are they loud? Yes. Can they be a distraction? Yes. That being said, it has been a tremendous blessing to be home with my young boys and wife these past three years. I have seen more of my family in the past few years than many fathers get to see them in a decade.  Focus on the the amazing blessings, not the few difficulties.

Those are mine, how about you? Have you been mixing life and work at home? Have any tips that could help us navigate this even better?

Brad is the father of four 5-year-old energetic little boys (quadruplets). He runs his web design business from home which blesses him with the opportunity to be a nearly constant influence on them. He has a passion for leading his family biblically as a servant, and enjoys nearly every moment of it.
 

  • Sarah

    This is a great post. I work from home and although I don’t have kids or a spouse there with me, many of the challeng are the same. I find getting up ea ch morning at the same time and getting dressed makes a big difference too!

    • Bradley Murray

      Sarah,

      I am in a routine of getting up, (children do that for you) but I am toying around with the idea of dressing “business casual” even when I am here at home and don’t plan to meet with a client.  I think I take work more seriously than when I am in shorts and a t-shirt.  Thats probably just a weird personality thing for me though.  :)

  • Mdw0528

    I am a work at home mom with a 3 year old. I too face similar challenges. But all the challenges are worth it to be able to be with my girl. My husband works out of the house and has a lot of studying to do when he gets home. One of our biggest challenges is finding time to spend together, because our daughter is a night owl.

    • http://lifeyourway.net Mandi @ Life…Your Way

      I can imagine that is a huge challenge when you both have so much going on. I definitely think we have to make sacrifices for a season, but keep pushing for that time together — a healthy marriage is the foundation for everything else you’ll do!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1609252558 Christina Bell

    This is useful information. However, with her job being an at home parent (taking care of the kids, house etc). She needs a lunch/break as well. “Jumpin in” and helping from time to time rather then shutting the door may be needed. I have four kids, one is ADD/od/mood swings. If I was having problems with him and my husband just shut the door. I don’t think I would find that helpful.

    • http://lifeyourway.net Mandi @ Life…Your Way

      But if Brad was leaving to go to work every day, Jen would have to carve out her own lunch/break time, right? I think one of the points he makes here is that if he’s taking time in the middle of the work day to give her that, it’s going to extend his overall work day, as opposed to focusing on work during work hours so he can focus on family afterward.

      • Bradley Murray

        Mandi, Christina,
        This is great, it’s like I am reliving many of mine and Jen’s conversations over the past couple years.  

        My natural inclination is to “jump in” really regularly, which is why I wanted to leave and go work elsewhere. It’s hard to ignore what is going on in our home.

        Jen is the one that keeps reminding me that she can handle it, and that she would rather I just get my work done as Mandi pointed out here so that I have more time in the evening.  

        We have now settled on the agreement that I will stay in my office and ignore any havoc going on with the kids unless Jen comes and asks for my help.  I have made it clear to her that I am here for her if she needs me, and she has agreed to come ask if she wants my help.  It does not always work perfectly, but… 

        These comments illustrate perfectly that this is not an easy balance to keep.  Thanks again for making me think through it further!

  • Angela

    Judging from the original post here, I would imagine if the mom truly needs help with the kids, Dad is there to chip in and help, but I agree with what I think he is trying to say. That is, to not jump in at every little point and take over, thus undermining his wife’s authority with the children. Giving her a chance to build her own relationship and way of dealing with the kids so that they will respect and obey her as well as they would him.

    • http://lifeyourway.net Mandi @ Life…Your Way

      I think you get it exactly, Angela — thanks for chiming in!

  • Jessie Martinez

    Maybe a better solution would be for you to actually leave the house and go to Starbucks or a similar place to get your work done in peace. Treat it like a real job where you schedule time away from home. It’s kind of a tease for your children to know you are at home, and yet not accessible to them. Also, not really fair for your wife who is a SAHM to not have your help when you are home and for you to just close the door and ignore that a child needs discipline or help. I am sure she needs a break too from the constant parenting and housework. Praying for you all.

    • http://lifeyourway.net Mandi @ Life…Your Way

      Hmm, as a work-at-home mom, I’ll just jump in to Brad’s defense and say going to work at Starbucks five days a week, eight hours a day isn’t really a viable solution for some (most?) of us. We would spend so much in gas, coffee and food that I’d have to work extra hours!

      I don’t know about Brad’s wife — although I’m guessing that she feels the same as my husband — but Sean actually asks me to shut the door and ignore what’s going on in the house. Having me step in when he’s in the middle of handling a situation actually causes more disruption and makes it harder for him to keep the girls respect than having me ignore them. That’s not to say that I never come out and take over if I know he needs a break or if I can hear that he’s reached his limit, but even though I’m home, we do treat it as a real job…I’m at work and therefore unavailable, just as if I wasn’t home.

    • Bradley Murray

      Jessie,

      Your sentiment is exactly what I thought would be needed when I started my business here at home.  I began leaving 2-3 days per week to work at a local bagel shop.  I thought I was doing what my wife would want.  

      She came to me humbly and asked if there was anything she could do to make working here at home better.  As we talked, I realized that she wanted me here more, and saw that as a huge advantage to my owning a business.  

      I think every marriage and home is different, I am sure we all have to handle it a little different.

      In an effort to not “tease” our kids, we make it very clear when its “work time” for Jen or I.  Keep in mind that we both work here in the home, so we switch off.  It does have challenges, but I will take those challenges gratefully in exchange for eating lunch with my family each day and really feeling like I don’t miss much.  That is a privilege that I don’t want to take for granted, I know it is rare.

      To be clear, I do step out and help anytime Jen needs it.  Angela was spot on below when she said that Jen just does not want me jumping into the middle of her handling a situation.  It makes her feel that I have no confidence in her abilities as a parent.  

      Lastly, we strive to give one another regular breaks.  Jen could testify that I am regularly offering her times away from the house…

      Thanks for your comment.  It really does help me think this through from many perspectives.  I love this type of pointed thinking because I do sometimes forget that everyone, including my wife, does not think like me.  :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=803095410 Lorri Landon

    #1(Don’t try to do anything alone; plan your week together.) is one of the best pieces of relationship advice I’ve seen.  We work around a different schedule, with daddy teaching and summers off, but if we’re not communicating about how to be using the time we do have together, it gets messy super fast!  Thanks for the great reminders :)

  • DarcyWiley

    When my husband works from home, he lets the kids know when he needs uninterrupted time in the home office. If the workload is light and he doesn’t have any conference calls, he leaves the door open and allows them to play in his office. But I know it would be hard for me to do that since my concentration is broken much more easily than his. Anyway, it sounds like you and Jen are doing a great job at communicating your needs/wants to each other and figuring this thing out! What a privilege to have such proximity as a family. Your kids will treasure it growing up.

Previous post:

Next post: